Paul Peterson Loves Board Games!
Paul Peterson (board game designer of Smash Up, Guillotine, Unexploded Cow) is here to prove that board games are more interesting than the movie musical Grease. I hope he doesn’t get caught in our… mouse trap.
Take the annual Multitude survey and have your voice heard! multitude.productions/survey
Sponsors
- Betterhelp, where you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/TMAI
- Listen to Black People Love Paramore!
Find Us Online
- website: tmaipod.com
- patreon: patreon.com/TMAIpod
- twitter: twitter.com/tmaipod
- instagram: instagram.com/tmaipod
Cast & Crew
- Hosts: Adal Rifai & Eric Silver
- Producer: Eric Silver
- Editor: Mischa Stanton
- Created by: Eric Silver & Mischa Stanton
- Theme Song: Arne Parrott
- Artwork: Shae McMullin
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Tell Me About It is a madcap game show about proving that the things you like are actually interesting and cool. Adal Rifai is an eccentric billionaire who forces someone new every episode to share, argue, and defend the thing they love the most. He’s wrangled his audio butler Eric to lead the contestant through a series of absurd challenges and games, all to gain points and get on the Most Interesting Thing High Score Board. Tell Me About It: the most fun podcast run by a multibillionaire. New episodes every other Thursday.
Transcript
[theme]
ADAL: It's Tell Me About It! Aw, come on in, Welcome to Tell Me About It, a game show about proving the things you love are actually interesting and fun. Hey, actually, I'm joking. Don't come inside. I have a no solicitors sign, and my name for the record is Adal Rifai, local eccentric multi-billionaire. That's right. I'm an LEM. No, not L-E-N or Canadian band Len who I think sings Steal My Sunshine. I am still looking for someone, anyone to show me something that is better and more interesting than the movie Grease, which is currently playing in the background on my 3200-inch LCD screen. Though, I am not doing this by myself. Please welcome my butler who I'll trade for a sheep and a wheat, Eric silver.
ERIC: Oh, hello. Can we wait, like, five minutes? This is the part where they get to beauty school drop-out. It's my favorite.
ADAL: That's my— that's my favorite. Oh, my gosh, favorite pink lady on 3. 1, 2, 3, Frenchie.
ERIC: My mom.
ADAL: Oh.
ERIC: Dammit. Wait, what did you say?
ADAL: I said Frenchie, and you said your mom, which I think is an edible slip. Edible slip? Freudian slip. Listen, Eric, I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little under the weather. Uh, I took my private submarine down below for a few weeks and I believe I have, as Thom Yorke would say, the bends.
ERIC: Uh-hmm. Right.
ADAL: Now, Eric, speaking of trading weep and sheet— no, I'm sorry.
ERIC: Ooh.
ADAL: Speaking of trading wheat and sheep.
ERIC: It seems like you traded the letters there—
ADAL: I know.
ERIC: —to get more bonus.
ADAL: I think I did a little— a little spoonerism. That's what it is. Eric, listen, speaking of sheep and wheat, do we still have the one copy in existence of the game that I created with my good friend from SNL, Settlers of Chris Kattan?
ERIC: Oh, we absolutely do. Uh—
ADAL: Phew.
ERIC: Unfortunately, we have your prototype—
ADAL: Yes.
ERIC: —which has a lot of you and Chris Kattan going to do your favorite things. They did— unfortunately, if you want to find it somewhere else, you will have to find, like— it was reskinned to be a Night of the Roxbury board game.
ADAL: Son of a bitch. Okay.
ERIC: Yeah.
ADAL: That makes sense. I just thought my system worked really well where you could trade two Mr. Peepers for one mango?
ERIC: No, I think it worked really well. And you—
ADAL: Okay.
ERIC: —were— you were in there and you were— there was a lot of evidence that you, in fact, were Mr. Peepers—
ADAL: Yeah.
ERIC: —the whole time. But, unfortunately, it turned into just doing Trivial Pursuit and you're getting, like, a love— uh, what is peace and, uh—
ADAL: Yeah. Okay.
ERIC: —love peace and a baby don't hurt me peace.
ADAL: Yes, that's right.
ERIC: Yeah.
ADAL: Um, well, we'll let bygones be bygones. That guy needs a win, so we'll give it to him.
ERIC: Little Monkeybone wasn't gonna help him. He still need— he still tried to get out of the hole of Monkeybone.
ADAL: Of— of— yeah. The hole of Monkeybone, that's a hill, my friend. And that's a hill I'll die on. Second best movie after Grease— well, actually, it's Grease 2, but after that, it's Monkeybone.
ERIC: I heard that that was going to be this— the Grease 2 of Monkeybone, Hole of Monkeybone.
ADAL: I mean, if my donation has anything to do with it, it will. Of course, my— actually, my third favorite movie is the collective Paramount Plus series, Rise Of The Pink Ladies, and the number four would be Monkeybone.
ERIC: I thought it would be inappropriate to ask you about it, but I'm glad—
ADAL: Uh-huh.
ERIC: —that you are enjoying Rise Of The Pink Ladies.
ADAL: We'll— yeah, we'll talk later. Um, Eric, what were you up to while I was at the bottom of the ocean?
ERIC: Oh, you know, just hanging out in my closet—
ADAL: Hmm.
ERIC: —waiting for you to come back. You locked it, because you said it was for safety and because—
ADAL: Yeah.
ERIC: —you didn't want me rummaging through your things, which to be honest with you, fair. I would have rummaged through your things. I would really have loved to get out of that closet a little bit.
ADAL: Yeah.
ERIC: Just, like, to stretch my legs. However, it does— uh, my legs do a funky creaking sound now, which is new.
ADAL: Oh, cool. Well, to be fair, it's in the name. I mean, it's basically— the way it's spelled is basically close it. So that's what I did, uh, and I also locked it, just because I have a lot of valuables, including you, Eric. I just don't want anybody to get their grubby little mitts on you.
ERIC: Aw, that's so sweet.
ADAL: You're my prized possession.
ERIC: Then you probably shouldn't have bopped it, twisted it, turned it, and past it if you're going to, uh, care about me so much.
ADAL: Sorry about that. Um—
ERIC: I forgive you, I forgive you, uh, because I'm contractually obligated to do so.
ADAL: Aw. You're having contractions.
ERIC: I'm feeling them for you. They're coming all the time, regardless.
ADAL: Every five years, you have a contraction. Well, you have to sign a new contract. Uh, Eric, I love you, buddy. What— um, huh, never said that before. That felt weird coming out of my lips. I must be really sick.
ERIC: Yeah. You— you must've lost your taste or something.
ADAL: Yeah, this iron lung is, I think, messing with my emotions. Uh, also, uh, episode three of Succession is messing with them as well. Eric, who do we have as a guest today?
ERIC: Well, uh, you said you wanted to play more games. So, instead, I got someone who's very informed with games because they're not taking my job! I need this! We have board game designer of Smash Up, Guillotine, Unexploded Cow, and more. We have Paul Peterson.
PAUL: Why— why hello. Hello. And, listen, on my way in, I noticed there's a guy camping out there. Um, it looked— I don't know him personally, but it looked like it was Chris Kattan. Is that something you need to know about?
ADAL: Easy mistake to make. That's actually Chris Camp-tan. Um—
PAUL: Oh.
ADAL: Yeah.
PAUL: Okay, good.
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: Well, I, you know, I gave him a couple of bucks because he was asking, but—
ERIC: Yeah. And I'll— Paul, you can come in from the foyer, just don't step on the Chris Kaftan
ADAL: Yeah. And be careful because Piss Kattan left a mess everywhere.
ERIC: No, that was me, because you locked me in the closet.
ADAL: Oh, right. Sorry. Right, right.
PAUL: Okay. There's a lot of things to step over, but I think I can make my way in here.
ADAL: Perfect. Yes. Yes, it is a veritable obstacle course of Chris Kattan's. Paul, thank you so much. I'm such a big fan of your games. I'm such a big fan of you. Uh, how are you doing? What's going on? What are you up to?
PAUL: Um, well, uh, I'm a board game designer, so I'm designing board games. And, you know, the, uh, the interesting thing is that those couple of years where we didn't really go out and see a bunch of people put a— put a little dip in my, uh, my output as a board game designer, but now roaring back.
ADAL: Glad to hear it. Um, and I gotta say, I'm always a little uneasy— it's one of my favorite games, but I'm always a little uneasy to play Guillotine, because, of course, uh, guillotine is what they used against the wealthy people in France, and I myself have multiple billions, so I'm always scared that one day they'll bring it back as an exception just for my little piggy neck. So, um, love the game, hate the name—
PAUL: Well, you know, just—
ADAL: —and the connotations.
PAUL: —just make sure that you're always in line behind the [6:59] and you should be fine.
ADAL: You're— hey, that's a great [7:03]. I— that's a great thing to remember. Thank you so much. I'll also brag that I once slept in Jacksonville, Florida with Bea Arthur, which I consider a smash up.
ERIC: Oh. There we go.
PAUL: Um, anybody would. Anybody would.
ADAL: Yeah.
PAUL: I mean, you know, Bea Arthur is, you know, maybe a rung down below like Betty White, but I'll— I'll give that to you 100%.
ADAL: Thank you. Thank you. I'll take it.
ERIC: How— we need—
ADAL: Um—
ERIC: —all four of them equally. You can't have one without the other. We're not— we— you can't just make jokes without having some sort of anchor. That's ridiculous, Paul.
ADAL: Well, also, if younger ladies are your game, you go after Estelle Getty, who was the youngest of the four.
PAUL: And certainly, the most likely to want to smash up.
ERIC: Fair. Her and Rue McClanahan. Rue McClanahan was out there, but Estelle Getty secretly really wanted to smash the most.
PAUL: Yeah, 100%.
ERIC: Paul, were you just, like, sitting in your house, just like thinking of new combinations of things to smash up?
PAUL: Pretty much all the time. I mean, we're over 60 or 70 factions now, so we're— we're constantly on the look for something that, uh, we can add into it that still seems fresh for people, so—
ADAL: Well, say no more, something that I've had Eric make me for breakfast the last, um, year or two is a smash up if you will, of soup and cereal, we call it cereal, or—or coup?
PAUL: I think that'd be perfect. I'll make a soup faction right away.
ADAL: Thank you so much, Paul. We appreciate it.
ERIC: Honestly, please do. Outside of— hey, I'm stopping the podcast. Paul, please do that. Okay, we're back in the podcast.
ADAL: Get a little battle between Trix Rabbit and, um, one of the soup icons are, like— um, the, um, Lucky Charms guy and one of the soup icons are—
PAUL: We— we haven't done— we haven't done cereal. We— the— the two newest expansions are '80s movies and—
ADAL: Ooh.
PAUL: —then the one after that is, I think, '90s cartoons. So it's like the— the first ones like action heroes, and Back to the Future, and things like that. The second one is based on, like, GI Joe, Jem and the Holograms, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
ADAL: Paul, oh. my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. '80s movies. Did Grease 2 make the cut? Be honest with me.
PAUL: Grease 2, it— you know, it was there. I think we'll make it as a secret faction as far as we—
ADAL: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
PAUL: Because we need— we absolutely need a bomb shelter where you— if you take a male and a female character in there–
ADAL: Yes. Let's do it for our country, Paul.
PAUL: Let's do it for our country.
ADAL: [sings] Let's do it for country, for the red, white, and the blue.
ERIC: I will go on Amazon and pay $6 just for that one card. It will happen. I have an expense account. I can do— I'll do it for Adal. Also, um—
PAUL: That's right.
ERIC: —Mr. Rifai, I'm slipping you a piece of paper that says Lucky, uh, the New England chowder.
ADAL: Ooh, yes. Thank you for slipping that to me. Thank you so much.
ERIC: I'm slipping that to you if you want to stay there [9:45]
ADAL: Also, is it Campbells, isn't that like a little kid in like a— in like a little, um, sailor outfit with a lollipop or something? Campbells, is that right?
PAUL: I thought it was like a little whited-out chef. Almost like the— the Doughboy, but like a chef running or something. May—
ADAL: Hmm.
PAUL: —maybe I'm thinking of it entirely wrong.
ERIC: In my head, I didn't think of mascots. I was just like, "It would be so funny if someone was like, 'I play Italian wedding soup.'"
PAUL: That's right. No, my gazpacho counters you.
ADAL: And, Paul, uh, if you are looking for even more smash-up ideas, might I offer the original Grease movie, uh, plus Look Who's Talking?
PAUL: Just to get the crossover with John Travolta?
ADAL: Absolutely.
PAUL: Yeah, that would be good. We should just do a John Travolta one. I'm trying to remember if the king of our disco faction is John Travolta.
ADAL: Ooh.
PAUL: It's an image of a John Travolta character, but, like, just a John Travolta faction, you could go a lot of different ways with that.
ADAL: Absolutely. Give your opponent Saturday Night Fever, uh, um, something with battlefield, something Earth. Uh, we'll figure it out later.
PAUL: Rubber hose.
ADAL: We'll— we'll drop some contexts of rubber hose. Thank you so much.
ERIC: I will also buy a single card for $6 of a Diltiazem if that's what —
ADAL: Wickedly talented. Eric, speaking of wickedly talented, why isn't your wickedly talented ass take us over to round one?
ERIC: Oh, my God. You're so nice inside of that iron lung. Maybe it's pressing down on your body and your blood flow is all messed up. Let's go to round one.
PAUL: I think the— the repetitive [breathing] is probably just relaxing, so—
ADAL: I think— yeah, I think I'm in a Zen state and—
ERIC: Let's go to round one. Paul, just tell me about it. I have 10 foundational points about board games here that I've sourced from Wikipedia, and a little bit from BoardGameGeek just to give you a little bit of a hint. Uh—
PAUL: All right.
ERIC: —can I tell you, um, the crossover between Wikipedia editors and people who care about board games seem to be high because there was— this was a very long article, so I have a lot here, but it's still distributed around, uh, 10 points. And you'll still be able to get a point for each one of these you hit as you talk about your topic for five minutes.
ADAL: Eric, if I may, a lot of Eugenes working in Wikipedia and board games.
ERIC: It feels that way.
ADAL: For all the Grease heads out there, you'll get that.
ERIC: All right. As always, Paul, you can get extra points, uh, according to what Mr. Rifai says, if you make this interesting and cool. I'm gonna put five minutes on the clock. Paul, are you ready?
PAUL: I guess I'm ready. I'm very scared of this round, but let's go.
ERIC: Go ahead.
PAUL: All right. Uh, so board games, well, um, board games are one of the oldest ways for people to get together and interact. They've been around for a very long time, but like the earliest ones were— I don't know, like the— the Game of Ur from the sixth century AD and— but then into the Egyptians. And then the first card games actually came out in China. They were— and they were trick-taking games, which actually is like one of my favorite, uh, modes of playing. I love trick-taking games, Hearts, and— and Spades, and— and— and Bridge, and all of that stuff. Um, I think board games are really interesting, because there's a huge range of them. Like, when you're a kid, you play Candy Land and things like that, and that gets you sort of, like hyped for competing against other people. It's ways to compete, uh, against your friends and your family in sort of a safe way. Uh, but at the same time, you can, you know, get into fights and stuff, but it's all— it takes place on— on a board. And— and it, uh, you know, prevents you from punching your brother, which is also an activity that kids love to do. Um—
ERIC: The Wikipedia editors definitely added that in. It'd be like, "I fucking beat up James, don't
forget about it."
PAUL: A 100%. I mean, that is kind of the original game, right? Hit your brother is the original game, but—
ERIC: Yeah.
PAUL: It's really— and— and, you know, you started as a kid, you play those games, and I think that right now we're in kind of— uh, and— and certainly over, like, the last 20 years, it's been— it's kind of a revolution whereas kids growing up in the '70s ,'80s, '90s, people played, you know, Sorry! and Monopoly. And, you know, if they were really into things, they'd start playing chess, right? But then things started to change around that time and, um, uh, the space of board games really started to open up with things like Acquire and— and things that were actually more engaging. And then as people got good at those, it sort of evolved into another layer on top of it, and you start getting games like— like Catan and, uh, in, you know, in the '90s, everything changes over to cards a lot with the introduction of, like, Magic: The Gathering and Pokemon. And these are just like next level as far as— you know, if you show Magic: The Gathering to somebody who's used to playing Monopoly, their head's going to explode. But, um—
ERIC: Uh, it's called my mom when I was in middle school.
PAUL: But as, um, as the hobbies get deeper and more involved in that way, it becomes more people interested in them being more involved that way. And, nowadays, you— it still runs the gambit, you still get games like Love Letter, which is played with, you know, eight cards, essentially, and, you know, people, uh, try to guess what's going on. Up to, like, Twilight Imperium, which takes a day to play and requires, uh, a degree in mathematics to even begin to figure out the— the probabilities of everything you're doing. So, I— I just think that the fact that it can appeal to that many people and that it is created this set of people who, uh, are really good at digging deep into these more involved games, uh, has created a lot of interest in, uh, in it currently. Um, I— I honestly think that things like Escape Room also kind of come out of this love of board games, and they use part of the same, you know, the same thought processes and things and—
ADAL: Do you hear that, Eric? You were actually not locked in the closet. You were testing my very first escape room. Sorry, Paul, go ahead.
PAUL: No, no, that's fine. Did you solve all the puzzles?
ERIC: Uh, yeah, there was only one puzzle in it, which is get the door open, and no, I didn't solve it.
PAUL: Oh, I'm sorry. You know, usually that only takes an hour. I'm— I'm surprised he gave you that much time to get out of it. Um—
ERIC: I can tell from all the cameras that were set up and he kept feeding me clues, but none of them help.
ADAL: You kept eating them. Feeding is— feeding is a relative term, Eric. Uh, sorry, Paul, go ahead.
PAUL: Um, I also think that, like, all of this interest has really not only created revolution in the types of games, but in the games themselves and in the components. And, you know, Monopoly had these little plastic houses, and now everything's like wooden little people in all of the games. But those are even getting more and more complex, and they're getting painted, and in different shapes. And the boards themselves used to be just a flat-folded board, and now some of them have punched-out places to put things and multiple issues, and— and, you know, hexes and squares to put together to make games. I just think it's, um, a really exciting time to be into these kinds of things and I think that it feeds, you know— especially like during the pandemic, when everybody's just bored to tears in their house. The ability to play these games keeps your brain working, keeps you going, and keeps you, uh, connected with people. So—
ERIC: And time.
PAUL: How did I do?
ERIC: Pretty good. Paul, are you truly ready for me to score this up, for me to do— make victory points in front of you?
PAUL: I'm ready to argue about how many bonus points I should get.
ADAL: I love to hear it.
ERIC: That's fair. Yeah. And, listen, you hit on a lot of important stuff. Uh, you hit on the— I found it super interesting. The Egyptians were one of the first people to have cards. There's a game called Hounds and Jackals that I thought was the tightest shit of all time. Um—
PAUL: It's amazing, actually. Have you seen the pictures of it? They have these big spikes into the back of, like, a beast and that's the board that they're moving around, uh, in— during that game.
ERIC: It's— it's honestly incredible. I really enjoyed it. Um, that was— that was really big. Yeah, you hit on the stuff of people learning things about skill, and of luck, and be having, like, relationships, which was big. Um, and, of course, you talk a lot about the Renaissance. You call it a revolution. Some people say I call it the Golden Age or the Renaissance that were currently in board games. Um—
PAUL: And interestingly, the first golden age of board games, this is just absolute trivia, was, I think, from the 1880s to the 1920s, about the time— Monopoly is actually at the end of that, but they considered that a revolution because that— that was the first time they could mass produce components for it. So I'm— I'm outside of my five minutes.
ERIC: No. I mean, that's true. That's why there are people— that's why Eugene called it a Renaissance on social media.
ADAL: I'm sorry, I do have to interject here. The golden age of war games was, I want to say, 1991 or 1992 when a little game called Crossfire was introduced to the public. Crossfire, of course, the most atypical board game, uh, involves shooting little BB guns across the board. Uh, no real skill involved or strategy, but my favorite game of all time.
PAUL: I would have thought it was Lawn Darts.
ERIC: Yeah, but it's not as catchy to say, "You were into the Lawn Darts."
ADAL: Yeah, exactly.
PAUL: That's true.
ADAL: You can't sing that while screaming to the heavens.
[laughter]
PAUL: There's a lot of screaming in Lawn Darts, though, to be fair.
ADAL: Well, actually, I did hit Chris Kattan with a lawn dart. Uh, we'll check on him later. Uh, Eric, any other scoring?
ERIC: Yeah, you can just take another one out of the fridge. It's in the vegetable drawer of Chris Kattan.
ADAL: Ooh.
ERIC: Uh—
ADAL: Yum, yum, yum. It's like [18:56]
ERIC: And I was gonna give you your final point if you name any of the five highest-rated games on BoardGameGeek and you did, you hit Twilight Imperium, uh, which comes in at number five, so you get that point. Um, I was hoping you'd talk a little bit about Euro games, which is a type of game where you get to just decide you're a farmer and there's some, uh—
PAUL: See, the— the difference between Euro games and Ameritrash is a lot bigger than that, but go ahead.
ERIC: Truly, truly. And there's also some other stuff about categorization, so I think you get a solid six out of 10.
PAUL: I'll— I'll take it, 100%.
ERIC: Hell yeah.
ADAL: Six out of 10 is very good, and I just gotta say, I'm not super religious, but I think we should give all props up to Christ Kattan. Uh, let's take a look here. Let's look at the bonus scores. Now, uh, Paul, I'm willing to give a few bonus points here. First of all, I gotta say, you mentioned one of the oldest games of all time. You said it was Game of Ur. Now, we've all been there. We've all tried to think of the name of something and it just right out of the grasp of our brain, and we say er, um. If you can remember the actual name, I will give you a bonus point. PAUL: Um, I believe it's actually called the Game of Adal.
ADAL: Wow. Uh, 10 extra bonus points there. Thank you so much. I also would have accepted the Game of ER. Uh, Big, uh—
PAUL: Of course.
ADAL: —big George Clooney fan in my house. Uh, let's see here. As well as Julianna Margulies. Some other bonus points to give. Um, you mentioned trick-taking, which is, uh, my reverse Thanksgiving, so bonus point for that. You also mentioned punching your brother. Uh, I've also punched your brother, so we'll give a bonus point for that.
PAUL: Yeah, he says hi, by the way.
ERIC: Absolutely.
ADAL: Um, give him a punch for me. Uh, you also mentioned— I hate to say it, you mentioned Revolution!, of course, revolutions make me think of guillotines. Uh, but your—
PAUL: Right.
ADAL: —your game and my neck, um, so no bonus point there. I'm not going to remove a point. You also mentioned Monopoly several times, which I think means you agree with me that monopolies are for the best. Uh, so two bonus points there for each time you mentioned Monopoly.
ERIC: Paul, you have to understand, we— when we have a D-100 in the house, I have to scratch out the one so it's not the 1%. It's the 90, it's a different thing.
ADAL: Exactly. We don't want to upset daddy. That's another game. I like Don't Upset Daddy. Very fun. I also need a little operation on my lungs. Um, Paul, two more chances for bonus points here.
PAUL: Yes.
ADAL: Number one, yes or no, Quacks of Quedlinburg is a very fun game.
PAUL: Oh, it's a very fun game. Absolutely.
ADAL: Great. Two points for that.
ERIC: Great.
ADAL: And then you mentioned the game Love Letter, which I enjoyed immensely. Paul, what letter do you most love?
PAUL: What letter do I most love? Probably— I think I'm gonna go with X, because, uh—
ERIC: Wow.
PAUL: —it doesn't— it really doesn't get it— he really doesn't get his props enough.
ADAL: I mean, you got Professor, you got Scott Summers.
ERIC: Every adjective in the '90s.
ADAL: Yes, exactly.
PAUL: The tap of hugs and kisses.
ADAL: Absolutely. Thank you so much. Actually, what letter of the alphabet is X? Carry the one. Ask Eric. Nudge Eric. Come on, Eric. Da, da, da, da, carry it to—
ERIC: What letter is X—
ADAL: Nudge Eric.
ERIC: —of the alphabet?
ADAL: Uh, Googling. Eric, please Google.
ERIC: Hold on. It's the 24th letter. I know—
PAUL: 24.
ERIC: —the top of my— off the top of my head.
ADAL: So add 24 bonus points.
ERIC: 24 bonus points.
ADAL: Wait, of course, 24 starred Kiefer Sutherland. No, that's nothing.
PAUL: That's nothing? Okay.
ERIC: That's nothing. Sorry, I have to wind up your iron lung. Hold on. All right, here we go.
PAUL: I have opinions about 24, so we can talk about that for a while, but it's not a board game, so let's move on.
ERIC: That's fair. Uh, is that all the bonus points there?
ADAL: No, there's one more.
ERIC: Okay.
ADAL: Paul, you have exactly, and I mean, exactly 24 seconds to give your opinions about 24.
PAUL: I think that it was, uh, a good show and a good premise, but I really, really, really, uh, think that it's really hard to fill 24 hours and there should have been some hour— some entire episodes where just— everybody was asleep, because it's the middle of the night.
ERIC: Damn. Take that, Fox.
ADAL: He did it— did it under 24. I will— okay. So there is five possible points for that. You didn't mention the mountain lion, which is by far the most egregious introduction. So we're going to take away four bonus points there, which—
PAUL: No, no. That's— that's totally fair.
ADAL: —which leaves you with one bonus point, so add that onto his score, Eric.
ERIC: All right. That totals up to 47 bonus points out of round one. That's impressive.
PAUL: Whoo. I have a possible 10. Amazing.
ERIC: Incredible.
PAUL: I, uh, I am a game designer. I do know something about gaming the systems.
ERIC: Paul, would you say this game is balanced? And you have to say yes or Adal will kill you.
PAUL: It is one of the most balanced and fair systems I've ever encountered. I— I have no comments on it.
ADAL: And, Eric, we got the audio recording, right?
ERIC: Yeah, I'm gonna put that on the website immediately that a game designer said that. Yeah.
ADAL: Perfect. Good. Yeah, just cover— legally cover me. Um, why don't we go ahead and— what am I the green meeple? Why don't you move my green meeple, uh, one space up to round two, please?
ERIC: Absolutely. Uh, round two is the Perfect Thing. Paul, what is the perfect encapsulation of board games? If someone asks you, "Well, what's an example for why you love this thing so much and you devoted your whole life to it?" And your profession, you— you might say.
PAUL: Um—
ERIC: What would you say?
PAUL: Uh, it's how they let people interact in interesting ways and stretch their brains while they're doing it. I think it's one of the best social glues, essentially, of people getting together, performing an activity that they all like together. Um, even if they're competing in it, they still— just have a great time. It's— it's— it's one of my favorite things to just meet with people and doing so.
ERIC: Yeah. Have you ruined this by you becoming a professional smasher upper?
PAUL: You know, there are— there— there— I can tell some really interesting stories about this. Like, one time we were playing a game with a bunch of game designers and it was, um, Waterdeep. Though, I can't remember the full name for Waterdeep.
ADAL: Lords of Waterdeep?
PAUL: Uh, Lords of Waterdeep. Thank you.
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: So one time we were playing Lords of Waterdeep, a whole bunch of game designers, and we opened the box for the first time and we all went, "Ooh," because the packaging and the layout of the components in it was amazing, and we were all— that's something we all, like, grok, and know and think about is how to put components in a box. We hadn't even played the game yet, but we were all super excited about the way they had constructed this box.
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: So I don't— it doesn't tend to ruin things for me. It's— because I play games a lot, I'm kind of good at them and things. And so sometimes it can be difficult to play in a way with people that— that are not, like, comfortable, like just crushing them because I see the strategy to do it. I'm— that does— by no means mean I'm the— the best player around and I really enjoy playing with people on my level of board games, so—
ADAL: Hmm. That's fantastic. Uh, that reminds me— I mean, the unpackaging of a board game is such a beautiful experience, I have to admit. Four years ago, uh, we— here in this mansion, we started to unpackage Gloomhaven, and four years later, we're still unpackaging it. Um, I think we're 48,000, uh, hours in. The Plaster of Paris still has to dry, but we were so excited to eventually play that game.
PAUL: Uh, you're way ahead of me. I tried to get a group together because we thought if a bunch of us did it at once, it would go faster.
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: But, honestly, there are so many bottlenecks in that process.
ADAL: Yes, it's a— it's a— it's a long road to play a game.
ERIC: Can I point out—
ADAL: It's all part of the excitement. Yes, Eric.
ERIC: I would also love to point out, Gloomhaven number three on BoardGameGeeks' best games, best-rated games.
PAUL: Right. That's actually— that's recent, actually. They— they were number one for a long time, but, uh, a couple of other games have— have— have bumped them up, so—
ADAL: And I'm sure Frosthaven is quick on its heels. Now. The reason I remembered the name Lords of Waterdeep is because, oh, Lord, I was deep underwater for the last few months, uh, that's why I have the bends and I'm in this iron lung, we have to assume. At first Eric accidentally ordered me an iron maiden, which hurts quite a bit, uh, but rocked out real hard. Uh—
PAUL: And if you're gonna die, die with your boots on, right?
ERIC: Nice.
ADAL: Run for the hills, that's what I say. Um—
PAUL: You're such a trooper.
ADAL: Thank you so much. Uh, what's that giant skeleton's name? Uh—
PAUL: Eddie.
ADAL: —Eddie, I believe. Thank you so much. Eric, what is the max number of points allowed in round two?
ERIC: Uh, round two can be up to 10 points. And I apologize—
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
ERIC: —for playing Pandemic Legacy with you which put you with that iron lung.
ADAL: Thank you so much. Well, Paul, I'm going to give you, let's see, 10 possible points. I'm going to give you six points, but I'm gonna give you a chance to make up the other four. Here's how we're going to do this. Of course, one of the best games of all time, not just Crossfire, but, uh, Scattergories. Every board game geeks' favorite game. I'm gonna use your initials, Paul Peterson, P.P. You need to name four other famous names with a first and last name beginning with P, for four extra points. And I'll give you— like last time, I'll give you 24 seconds.
PAUL: Okay. Uh, Peter Parker. Uh—
ADAL: One.
PAUL: Peter Piper.
ADAL: Two.
PAUL: Um, like there's so many Marvel names and, uh, and Peter Parker is the only one that's coming to my mind. Um—
ADAL: You're never gonna— you're never gonna land this.
PAUL: I don't think I'm going to be able to land this because the rest of them—
ADAL: Well, that's the hook. That's the hook.
PAUL: That is the hook. Um, no. Yup. I'm not— I'm not gonna get this. I got those two and I'm done.
ERIC: Never— never land in time. Time.
PAUL: There's a million of them. Actually like those— like, almost the— all Stan Lee names are— are two letters and so many of them are P.P. and they just fled my brain.
ADAL: I said Smee and I should have said tick-tock. Um—
PAUL: Oh, of course, Peter Pan. Of course, but— yeah.
ERIC: I'll clap your hands to give you— give you energy. Now it's time you get to it.
PAUL: Yes. Uh—
ADAL: Now, Paul, that was, I believe, you got two—
ERIC: Uh-hmm.
ADAL: —which was Peter Parker and Peter Piper. Uh, for an extra bonus point, Paula Poundstone.
PAUL: You know, she's— she falls asleep on stage too much. I just forget about her.
ADAL: So we won't give you that point.
PAUL: Yeah.
ADAL: Now, for what— uh, for another extra bonus points possible. If you can say the entirety of the Peter Piper, uh, picked a pickled peck of peppers poem, we'll give you an extra bonus point.
PAUL: Oh, my goodness. Okay. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. If Peter Piper pecked"— oops.
ADAL: Hmm.
PAUL: I already screwed it up. Oh, well.
ADAL: Half point, half point.
PAUL: But it's, "If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many peppers did Peter Piper pick?"
ADAL: We'll give you a half point for that. Also—
PAUL: Uh—
ADAL: —Stan Lee wrote me a bespoke version. Peter Parker's uncle died, Aunt May, Peter Parker. It's not very good. I paid $250,000 for that, um, and then he died, so I cannot get a refund.
ERIC: And then he— and then he said, "Hey, here's looking at you, kid." And I thought that was inappropriate.
ADAL: That was very inappropriate. Not to mention what Jack Kirby did to me. He Kirby stomped me.
[background music begins]
ERIC: Hey, it's Eric and this is the butler's pantry where I can hide out and no one tells me what to do anything about and I can tell you directly about the podcast. I also got everyone little matching ties, so we can kind of look like the family from the King and I, which I think will be fun if we were all related and, um, Maria was there. We also have a Patreon. If you're liking what we're doing here, please support us at patreon.com/tmaipod where you can be a Junior Audio Butler just like me and get your own little broom hung up here in the Patreon, just like our newest patron, Erica Balasses. [29:58] You're all wonderful. Thank you for supporting this new show, uh, that we're doing here and the year of our Lord, 2023. Uh, it's hard being a new show, and we're having a lot of fun. So tell your friends, join the Patreon, you're the best. It is our favorite time of the year here at the Multitude Podcast Collective. It's Multitude annual survey time. This is your chance to give feedback to Multitude as a whole, as a podcasting collective and company, and each of the shows in the collective that you listen to. Tell us how we're doing, where you want us to do live shows, where— what new merch ideas you want, and all of the deep-seated feelings you have about podcasting. We want to hear about them. We're actual podcast nerds, we definitely want to know. The survey takes 10 minutes tops, works great on desktop and mobile, and ends with the biggest collage of pet photos that we've ever done in all of our years doing the Multitude survey. The results of the survey really helps us chart a path for the future. Your answers and suggestions were the seeds that grew into the Multi-Crew digital live shows the Discord, ad-free episodes and new shows like Games and Feelings and Tell Me About It. So we want to hear your voice. Go to multitude.production/survey right now, so you can fill out the survey. We're accepting answers until July 9th, so fill it out as soon as you can. It's multitude.production/survey or click the link in the episode description. You hear our voices all the time, now let us hear yours. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Think about the time you spend on yourself in a given week versus how much you spend on other people. How do you end up balancing the two? It's kind of like playing a game, right? You have to tell people that the games that you want to play and then you got to put the time into making sure they know how to play the same game you want to play. And also you got to do the games that they want to play and also, like, allow them to be accommodating for you, but— there has to be a balance between those two things and you can set those boundaries in therapy. You're learning positive coping skills, how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself and it isn't just for people who experienced trauma, just for dealing, uh, in this life that we are living in in 2023. There's a lot going on. It's never been more complicated, and sometimes you just need to talk to somebody about it. And that's where BetterHelp can come in. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge, which finding a therapist to click with you is the hardest part.
BetterHelp makes it easy, especially if you're looking for someone online and you don't have any, like, access in your area. To find more balance with BetterHelp, visit betterhelp.com/tmai today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/tmai or click the link in the episode description. We are also sponsored this episode by the podcast Black People Love Paramore. Black people love the band Paramore, but what other seemingly random things do large groups of black people love? I'm hooked. This— this copy for this podcast is already great. In an effort to make black people feel more at home through community, Black People Love Paramore or BPLP, I'm sure is the— is the abbreviation they use. Creator Sequoia Holmes compiled a list of other things groups of black people like and started her podcast, BPLP, Black People Love Paramore. Every episode she talks about one topic that groups of black people like. The mainstream media doesn't necessarily associate with black people. Episode topics include anime, Tony Hawk, ginger ale, Yono cash app, this— this podcast sounds great, and a whole lot more. If it sounds like you, check it out. It's called Black People Love Paramore and you can find it wherever you listen your podcasts. Incredible. And now, back to the show.
[background music begins]
ADAL: Eric, why don't we— let's— let me draw this card here. Ooh, it says round three, Community Chest.
ERIC: Wonderful. After round two, you have 55 and a half points. Uh, Paul, Peter said picked a pack of pickled, uh, points, which is pretty good. We're at round three, the question and answer portion. We have some follow-up questions for you, much like someone if they weren't really paying attention to you giving them instructions to a new game. Mr. Rifai is going to ask you up to three questions and please answer them as best as possible.
ADAL: Paul, are you ready?
PAUL: I am ready. Question number one. How do you respond to the following statement? "Ugh. I don't know how to play this board game. It seems so hard. I also do not have enough patience or auditory comprehension skills to pay attention to you teaching me the rules. My learning style is visual, but I don't know I'll learn by doing." Paul, this is boring.
PAUL: Oh, I would say, "No. Come on. Let me— let me show you how to play the game and we'll keep it simple, and we'll do it step by step because that's the best way to learn a game. And you know what? If we play it wrong the first time, we'll just play it again and we'll play it right the next time."
ADAL: Wow. To quote Casablanca, uh, possibly incorrectly. Play it again, Paul.
ERIC: You also mentioned step by step. Paul, for a bonus point, name any cast member of the hit TV show Step by Step.
PAUL: No. Uh, nope. Not— I'm gonna say Julia Roberts.
ADAL: Uh, that can't be right. Uh, I want to give you the point, but that can't be right.
ERIC: I'm gonna say Judy. Was that one?
ADAL: Uh, let's move on to question number two. Paul, why are so many board games about pretending you're a farmer? Are we all trying to escape our responsibilities and be a Yeoman meeple for a little while?
PAUL: I think, actually, the— the answer to that is because it's a place that everybody at least has some amount of knowledge about or at least an idea of what's going on there. Like, you know, farming is, uh, you know, the second oldest profession and so people might not know as much about the oldest profession, but, uh, it— it's just something you can imagine. It's historical. It's— it's common knowledge as it were. As opposed to if you're, you know— if the game is about banking or about, uh, you know, running a riverboat casino, people's experience of that won't be— they won't grok it as instantly and can't jump in as well.
ADAL: Got you. I also feel like with all the different names they have, I need to take Latin just to say them. Carcassonne, Agricola, Life.
PAUL: That's why they're called Euro games, right?
ADAL: Oh, I thought that's— because they took three steps in the paint.
ERIC: Those were all characters on The Sopranos, right?
ADAL: Oh, yeah. One of my favorites was, uh, Life who came on over from Italy, I think had an affair with Carmela. My favorite candy bar.
ERIC: Yeah. Carcassonne he, uh, he dies in the first season, right?
ADAL: Oh, yeah.
PAUL: He was replaced by— I think it was, uh, Checkers in the second season, right?
ERIC: Yes. That had the black and white hair, the wings?
PAUL: Right. Totally. He could do the twist.
ADAL: Paul, third and last question, can I judge people based on the color/piece they choose in a board game?
PAUL: Only in a positive way. You can— you can applaud their selection, but, uh, other than that, I would never choose to, uh, judge somebody based on the— it should really be about the content of the rules and not the color of the meeple.
ADAL: Wow. That's beautiful. And I want to thank you for at no point staring at or commenting on my full-sized silver top hat from the Monopoly game that I had made. It is crushing my neck, but the iron lung is offsetting some of the weight, but I think it looks good on me.
PAUL: Uh, I think I was a little distracted by the full-sized silver terrier that you have sitting next to it.
ADAL: Oh, yes. Old Chompy. He hasn't been the same since we dipped him in silver.
ERIC: Uh, you told me never to call you Uncle Moneybags and I still refused to.
ADAL: Last prize in the beauty contest.
ERIC: No.
PAUL: Too late.
ERIC: I— I'm only running against myself. That's rude. That's just rude.
PAUL: Adal, I've always heard that you had a monocle, but I don't see you with one now. Is this, uh, is this something that— that's not really common knowledge?
ADAL: Well, I did— thank you, Paul, for asking. I did have one up until my very good friend and second cousin Mr. Peanut died. And then I felt like it was in bad taste to continue to wear mine.
PAUL: I thought it had something to do with when Nelson Mandela was— died in prison.
ERIC: It's— those are the same people that refuse to learn the rules but forgave—
ADAL: You mean Nelson Mancala? Um—
PAUL: Oh, yes, of course. No, totally. I— I had forgotten because that was when he and a bunch of other prisoners were taken from prison to prison, dropping one off each time as they quit.
ADAL: Yeah.
ERIC: But if you— if— if they land, they were actually able to break the other prisoners out of— out of jail. That's the whole point.
PAUL: Well, yeah, that was the whole point is at the end, the last one if— they were— the guards were so tired from taking them all around that they get to the last point, dropped the prisoner off, and that would— they would all break out of there. So—
ERIC: Oh, if only games could make learning fun like this.
PAUL: I do my best.
ADAL: Well, Paul, you absolutely did your best. Eric, I don't know if I can say the same. Sorry. I don't know why I'm turning rude again. Eric, where does Paul sit?
ERIC: Oh, no. There's a pun here and I don't know. It's been so long. I was trapped in the closet so long, I thought I missed it. Or you're just asking a regular question. I'm all nervous now that you're mean again.
ADAL: The answer is in a chair.
ERIC: Oh.
ADAL: Now, let's go ahead and figure out what his score is.
ERIC: Oh, thank you. Well, this round is also 10 points. How did Paul do?
ADAL: We're gonna go ahead and give Paul a total 10 out of 10.
ERIC: Yeah, he made learning fun.
ADAL: Just like Bo Derek.
ERIC: Oh, he made learning fun and I enjoyed that.
ADAL: Yeah, just like Bo Derek did.
ERIC: Yeah.
PAUL: Well, uh, you know, that actually makes me really happy because I was gonna go running on the beach later anyways, and I've got my hair all on these braids. It's— it's— uh, it— it's the perfect day now.
ERIC: Finally, the perfect smashup Baywatch—
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
ERIC: —and board game designers. Well, let's, uh, continue. Hold on, I'm rolling and then I use my [39:48] as my before action phase. And in my action phase, I'm moving some soldiers and now I'm counting the rounds phase. We're at round four, which is the Wheel of Extraordinary Challenges.
ADAL: Oh, yes, this is my dominion. This is my cribbage. I've instructed my manservant, Eric, to prepare a few wacky minigames here to test your intellectual and creative mettle. Eric, what do we have today?
ERIC: We have board game that name. Paul, I have names from the board game name generator on fantasynamegenerators.com and you will have to tell us, uh, what game it is just based on the name. These are made-up games. I want you to make up—
PAUL: Oh.
ERIC: —the games, uh, what the title is just from your consummate experience.
PAUL: No problem at all. This is what I do know.
ERIC: Okay. Uh, you get plenty of points if you amuse Adal and we'll continue to flesh it out. and then Mr. Rifai, uh, as an experienced—
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
ERIC: —most dangerous game player yourself, please write a review for it on, uh, BoardGameGeek based on your experience playing it.
PAUL: I got an invite to that, is that coming up soon? Is that on your estate? I wasn't sure.
ADAL: Yes, it's coming up sometime soon. Sorry, I was a little distracted because someone called me Mr. Rifai, not sure who that is. I am, of course, Dr. Rifai.
ERIC: That's rude. Dentist Rifai, DDS. Uh—
ADAL: Thank you so much. And I'm also running— uh, if I may, um, just let me get on this soapbox row here. Ooh, with the top hat and the iron lungs, this is a struggle. I want to announce my campaign. I am running for president in 2024. Um, my campaign slogan that Eric helped me come up with is electrify. Now, if you say that pretty quickly without the space in between that is, of course, electrify, which is what I'm going to do to the nation. Let's electrify America.
ERIC: That's what Thomas Edison wanted to do to, right, to those elephants?
ADAL: Yes, and the elephants unfortunately never forgot, which is why they took all his patents and put it in their secret little graveyard. And hey, elephants, if you're listening, we will find that graveyard.
ERIC: Um, Paul, before we begin, I just wanted to share something that was on this website, um, because I— I think you can tell that this was made by a games creator. There's like a little preamble that's like, "Oh, you— this is how we use the generator, blah, blah, blah, and here's the second paragraph." Note that it's possible to find a name in this generator that might actually already belong to an existing game. With thousands—
ADAL: Wow.
ERIC: —of games out there and hundreds more being released every year, it's impossible to keep track of all this in order to keep this generator up to date. If you're looking for a name of an official game on your own, it's best to at least do a Google search to check if the name hasn't already been taken. Does this—
PAUL: You know, when you first started saying, "Oh, I've got all these names and you have to"—I thought you were gonna say, "You have to guess which ones are real games and which ones are not real games." And I was just gonna say yes to all of them.
ERIC: Fair.
PAUL: Because the names of games—
ADAL: Smart.
PAUL: —are everywhere.
ERIC: If any of these is a real game, please tell me and you'll automatically get a point.
PAUL: Okay, if I know I will definitely let you know.
ERIC: I will tell you also to watch out because I did throw in a French name because you can do either English or French names on board games.
ADAL: Again with—
PAUL: Perfect.
ADAL: —the French, do we want me to keep my neck? J'accuse.
PAUL: J'accuse.
ERIC: All right. Is everybody ready?
PAUL: Yes.
ADAL: Always.
ERIC: Wonderful. All right. for number one, Paul, what is the game called The Shattering?
PAUL: The Shattering?
ERIC: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: That's a great name for a game. Uh, the shattering would probably be each of the players there, they're scrambling for the pieces of a broken mirror, and then they're gonna fight it out in the arena.
ERIC: Wait a second. This is the saddest Hunger Games I've ever heard.
PAUL: No, absolutely.
ERIC: Okay. So you throw— throw the mirror in and everyone needs to grab a piece of cut glass and stab each other?
PAUL: Yeah, that sounds great.
ERIC: Are we recreating it or is it truly, like, you get a box? And it's like you're the mirror, you can only play once.
PAUL: It depends on where you live.
ADAL: Here's what I'll say and this is no joke. This is no lie. This is no fib, no cap. As the kids might say, dead-ass real. My mom and her sister when they were kids used to play a little game. What they do is smash open a thermometer, roll up the mercury, and roll it around on the floor, passing it back and forth.
PAUL: Oh my God, that's a better game-ish.
ADAL: Uh-hmm. She threw that to me in the car one time and my face was frozen in horror.
PAUL: It's— it's all about education, isn't it?
ADAL: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
ERIC: Can I get an expansion pack that includes a little bit of mercury? How much is that on Amazon? Like 90.95? I'll pay for that?
ADAL: Well, I think the— I think the mercury was discontinued. Um, beautiful car, though. Beautiful car.
ERIC: Yeah. Oh.
PAUL: It was just the monarch of cars, I think.
ERIC: Paul, anything else about The Shattering?
PAUL: Um, you know what? I think that— I think that it's probably just a recreation and— maybe it's like a horror movie, actually. Maybe— maybe—
ERIC: Sure.
PAUL: —you say Candy Man five times, the mirror breaks, and then you have to pick up a piece, and go after Candy Man.
ERIC: Oh, yeah, like a Ouija board style.
PAUL: Right.
ERIC: I love that. All right. Mr. Rifai, your review on, uh, BoardGameGeek. Please.
ADAL: My review is cut fingers so bad, can't type, do not play.
PAUL: I knew I get a one star out of there.
ERIC: All right, Paul. Your second one is called Beef Up.
PAUL: It's called what?
ERIC: Beef Up.
PAUL: Beef Up?
ERIC: Yeah.
PAUL: Ah, Beef Up? All right. Uh, Beef Up has got to be a simulation of raising cattle. It's very in-depth, you have to, uh, balance your— uh, the area of the land you have, um, and you really— what you really don't want is for people to play, like the government inspectors coming in and checking your carbon footprint. So—
ERIC: How many different books does this game come with?
PAUL: Um, it probably comes with— like, the manual itself is just really thick, right? It's hugely thick, but then it's got, uh, some appendices that are added on which— um, like, there's a sheep expansion where you start getting into the ranch wars, where the cows and the sheep need the space and the two different kinds of ranchers are fighting over it.
ERIC: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: Then you've got water rights when you start getting into that, so they can get pretty complex.
ERIC: Uh-hmm. I have in the second edition, they break it into different ones so it's not one person with— with like a 30-pound book.
PAUL: Well, I mean, you know, there's a— there— like half is actually sort of a— a stat for games now. When you look at games like Gloomhaven—
ERIC: Oh, sure.
PAUL: —or—or My Father's Legacy, I think it was. Like, these games are, like, 10 pounds no— no doubt. Uh, like, the shipping on them is just crazy.
ERIC: Beef up, Colin. World's heaviest game.
PAUL: You know what? You don't even have to play the game and you will beef up. You just lift it and put it down, and lift it and put it down.
ERIC: I love it.
ADAL: I hate to mention it because it's gonna trigger some unwanted memories, but again, no lie, no cap, no fib, the Frosthaven game, which just came out, the sequel to Gloomhaven, they hired a submarine expert to some degree to help package and fit that many pieces into a box. True story. True story.
PAUL: That makes total sense to me.
ERIC: Yeah.
ADAL: Uh-hmm.
ERIC: Mr. Rifai, your BoardGameGeek review.
ADAL: Yes. Very excited to play Beef Up at first, but then I realized it was another farming game. Also caused a lot of confusion because every time someone said, "Raising cattle," I turned my head because, unfortunately, my name is Adal without the C. Hated the branding that had to occur. My arm and scab is still healing, but I will say picking up that thick manual actually caused me personally to beef up and my Welsh friends loved the sheep expansion.
ERIC: How many stars on this one?
ADAL: 3.5.
ERIC: Okay. Good, good, good, good. All right. Uh, here's number three. This one is called
Moxie.
PAUL: Moxie? Oh, great. Okay. This— uh, it set in, like, the '30s and '40s, and you're competing, actually, soda manufacturers, and so you're trying to bring your soda to the forefront with competition, but at the same time, you have a lot of strategies around destroying your opposition by getting the feds to think they're making alcohol, actually, so that they come in and bust up their barrel. So it's all about having— it's about having the guts to lie to the government while still bringing your brand of sodas to the forefront.
ERIC: Uh, I know that my FBI agent who spies on my webcam is listening. Paul has said two straight games about lying to the government.
ADAL: Wait, you're being investigated by a federal boob investigator?
ERIC: It's the only— it's the only investigator I knew in college. Um, this— uh, now, I extremely want to play this game. Paul, is there, like, a really— I can only imagine that there's a lot of, like, very nice figurines. Like, does everyone get, like, a glass bottle of Coke where you have to, like, put the little cubes that are, like, your victory points?
PAUL: Well, I mean, like the currency is the bottle caps, but everybody has their glass bottle that they move around the table—
ERIC: Uh-hmm.
PAUL: —uh, with different labels on it. And at different points, you could— this could be a legacy game where you cover up the old labels, like maybe the old labels are beer bottles and you cover them up with your soda bottle label it now, so—
ERIC: I kind of— I love that. Now, I'm thinking about what name of soda I want to make, and the only one I can come up with is Oopsie! with an exclamation point.
ADAL: I'd drink it.
PAUL: I'd totally drink Oopsie!
ERIC: It's like a yellow-orange.
ADAL: Hmm.
ERIC: It has more cadmium in it that anyone should consume in their daily life. Um—
PAUL: No, in fact, that's the branding on it is now with more cadmium.
ERIC: The Oopsie! is from— from us pouring in more cadmium. Uh—
PAUL: That's right. My soda is going to be boron-free now though, so
ADAL: And my soda is just going to be liquid laudanum.
ERIC: Hey, not if I send federal boob inspectors to both of your plants. Oh, come on. Mr. Rifai, your review.
ADAL: Yes. What to say about this game of sodas? Well, not to be a jerk, but you should bootleg it to your nearest board game store to buy a copy, say, Ness. The game on everybody's list is gonna be Moxie. 10 out of 10 stars— 10 out of five, sorry. 10 out of five stars.
ERIC: 10 out of five stars. Hell yeah. All right. This is your final game, Paul. Uh, it's the—
PAUL: I seem to be warming up. I'm getting better and better at this. Let's see where this goes.
ERIC: No, it's good.
PAUL: Yeah.
ERIC: It's good. Let's see if you're gonna have the feds investigate you in this one. It is the French—
PAUL: Sure.
ERIC: —one. It's called Prospérité.
PAUL: Prosperite.
ERIC: Uh, yes. I believe I'm pronouncing that correctly, or at least kind of sort of that way.
PAUL: Oh, this is the French— yeah, this is the French one. All right.
ERIC: Yeah.
PAUL: Uh—
ADAL: Yeah. And just— just looking around the room, I do see, Eric, where you got this name. This is my designer French deodorants. Um, so, Paul, do with that information as you will.
ERIC: No, that— I'm sorry, that's Anti-Prospérité. Different, very, very different from–
ADAL: Sorry, it's a deodorant to keep the French away, because, again, I can't stress enough. I don't want a guillotine anywhere near me. Fuck off, frogs.
ERIC: How many times have we said no guillotines? Please, Paul, go ahead.
PAUL: Of course. Uh, Prospérité, since it's French, it's got to be about being the best at something very French. So in fact, that's what it's about. It's about being the best at being French. So you compete in different things like constructing world monuments, because they have a history of that, or— or making the— the best cheese. And actually, there's a— there's an entire round where it's about who can hate Americans the most.
ERIC: That's good. There's a whole fit that you just stand up a little meeple of George W. Bush and then just let them have it.
PAUL: You have to throw like— uh, you trust— that's— that's one of the rounds, there's a little statue of him and you either throw a shoe, or a pie, or an egg at him. And you have to choose between— you reach into a bag to pull out one of those things, and then whoever does the best job, whoever knocks him down with the object they throw.
ADAL: Well, you're— you're reaching into any French bag and immediately, you're gonna pull out a— I want to say a six-foot long baguette. If the movies are to be believed.
ERIC: Oh, honey, I just need to unwind. Why don't we pretend to be French for an hour? Get— you know, let's get two to four of our friends over and just throw an egg at George W. Bush.
PAUL: Let's see who's the best at being French.
ERIC: Yeah. Uh, I will say this since this is our podcast, Paul, if you make an expansion to Guillotine, to call it Prospérité, uh, Mr. Rifai owns 50%.
PAUL: Uh, I'm pretty sure that's what's in the contract I signed. I looked over it pretty carefully, but, uh— so, yeah, no worries about that.
ERIC: Uh, wonderful. And finally, Mr. Rifai, your review.
ADAL: This game is an [52:02] in the ass. Wow, I hate to be reminded of the French. Also, the best at being French, we already know who's the best at being French.
Jean Reno. Watch The Professional. Hey, you know what? Actually, I do want to Watch The Professional, because this game reminded me of The Professional and when Gary Oldman screams, "Get me everyone!" I'm gonna go ahead and give this 4.2 out of five. Also, zero out of five for the Gerard Depardieu stinker, Guillotine Wolf. Do not watch Guillotine Wolf. Gerard Depardieu, do the right thing. Sorry, edited— edited my previous review because I thought of something. Edit one up.
ERIC: Edit. I had a better joke. Mr. Rifai, if you can hear me over the sound of the iron lug, I want to bequeath you one of my points that you can— you can be—
ADAL: Oh, thank you.
ERIC: —three on Christmas every year.
ADAL: Wow. Thank you so much. It's like getting a VMA, which I have. And several MTV Moon men.
ERIC: You—Best Kiss three years in a row. All right.
PAUL: Stop reminding him of French things.
ERIC: Yeah.
ADAL: Oh, Eric. Thank you, Paul. Eric 10 points from you.
ERIC: No! That— that was three years of Christmases. Oh, geez. Okay. Well, Paul, you've made it out of round four. Mr. Rifai, what points can we award to Paul?
ADAL: So let's see the score here. Um, well, Paul, you made up and created four games. Um, I very much enjoyed most of them. Even the French one, I came around to at the end. So let's go ahead and call this, uh, four games. We're just now on the French. Uh, The Shattering. Candyman is at my door, but he's dating Bloody Mary. Let's go ahead and say 33 points.
ERIC: 33 points is wonderful. That brings you up to 98.5 points. Very good, Paul.
ADAL: Hold on, 98.5 was my favorite college radio—
ERIC: Yeah.
ADAL: —in Ohio. Let's take it down just to 98.
ERIC: Yeah. All right. Absolutely. Well, it reminds you of 98 Degrees because you got Best Kiss with Nick Lachey.
ADAL: Hold on, 98 Degrees is my favorite boy band. Um, except for five, I do enjoy the band Five. Add five points to 98.
ERIC: Add five points. All right. Paul, you're up to 103.
ADAL: Remember that song Baby, When The Lights Go Out?
ERIC: I don't.
ADAL: Okay. Neither do I.
ERIC: The lights were out. The lights were out. I couldn't see it.
ADAL: Forget I said anything.
ERIC: No, the lights were out. I didn't see it.
PAUL: I think I used to know that, but I think I've forgotten as well.
ADAL: Three points from Paul.
PAUL: Oh.
ERIC: Yeah.
PAUL: Wait, I remember.
ADAL: Three points to Paul.
ERIC: Oh, there— we're back— and we're back at 103.
ADAL: Paul, thank you so much. 103 points, that is nothing to French [54:37] fuck it. I'm doing it subconsciously.
ERIC: Is that when you have your tongue out?
ADAL: Yes. Uh, of course. Michael Jordan, the most famous Frenchman. A lot of people don't realize, uh, he created the beret. That's why it's— it has a Nike swoosh on it. Paul, thank you so much for stopping by. We loved having you, what a joy.
ERIC: Uh, one more— one more thing. Uh, sorry—
ADAL: Oh.
ERIC: —Mr. Rifai. Uh, there's just one more thing we have to do.
ADAL: Ah, that's right for a final bonus point. You entered this random trivia question about the world's most perfect film, The Professional or— I'm sorry. Uh, no, I'm thinking about, fuck, the French. Grease. We're talking about Grease. Natalie Portman was not in Grease.
PAUL: Although that would have been amazing.
ADAL: Grease holds up. They actually over-age their actors. Unlike The Professional, how unprofessional to cast an 11-year-old. Huh, anyway, um, we've talked about just now how the actors were way too old to be high schoolers in Grease. Jamie Donnelly who played Jan, dyed her hair black for the role, but it grew back so quickly that her gray roots kept showing. Your gray roots are showing. Instead of dyeing it again, what did they do to cover up her roots?
PAUL: Oh. Um, that's a great question. I'm trying to think of that character. Um, they— I think they put a wig on her.
ADAL: Wow, that's a great guess. Unfortunately, it's wrong. The director killed that Jan, cast a new Jan. That's where we get the phrase—
PAUL: Oh, no.
ADAL: That's where we get the phrase, "Cast a new Jan." Oh, no. Okay. They colored, uh, her hair black with a crayon every time she came to set. That makes more sense. That makes more sense.
ERIC: Honestly, both of your suggestions were better than coloring your hair with a crayon when they come to set.
ADAL: Let's take a look at the highscore board.
ERIC: All right. Our scoreboard is quickly, quickly filling up. Paul, you did an incredible job. You came in at number three with 103 Points. Paul, that bumps you ahead of both Amanda McLoughlin, my wife, who talked about retirement plans.
ADAL: Say it the way I want you to say it.
ERIC: [sighs] That is Amanda McLoughlin, my wife.
ADAL: Thank you, duck breath.
ERIC: Quack. Who talked about retirement plans. And Jeffrey Cranor who talked about the Dallas Cowboys. It also puts you ahead of Janet Varney who talked about miniatures. Matt Young who talked about toy collecting. JPC who talked about the Witcher. And Austin Hourigan all the way at the bottom, talking about Lord of the Rings. However, you still cannot defeat Corinne Caputo who talked about plants with 333 points and our number one slot, Dr. Moiya McTier with 5,075 points talking about exoplanets.
PAUL: Well, you know, I— what am I going to do? Like, she's out of this world and the plants just keep growing. So—
ERIC: Fair. That's a— that's a really good point. I had to— I had to consider it. Thanks for making learning fun.
ADAL: Paul, thank you so much for swinging by. We'll see you in the funny papers.
PAUL: Well, I hope not. I mean, I— I'm contractually obligated not to be in comics in newspapers.
ADAL: Oh, are you not— I thought you were casting the new Ziggy cartoon?
PAUL: Uh, it just was— it was just a one shot. Right. And I'm just kind of strolling through the background, so it didn't— didn't really count very much for my IMDb.
ADAL: Fair enough.
ERIC: Uh, I would pay $6 for just for that single one shot. I— I would add it, I would need that expansion.
ADAL: Paul, is there anything you would like to let our guests know about, anything you want to plug?
PAUL: Um, you know, uh, my— my game of Smash Up just keeps on rolling and we keep putting out new expansions, so we've got a couple of those coming up pretty soon. Uh, and I've got some other things in the work, but nothing that's ready to announce. It's just, you know, more games, more games, more games.
ADAL: Perfect. I can't wait to play more of your games. That's all for this episode of Tell Me About It. Tune in next week for more Jean Reno— nope. More Gary Oldman. Goddammit. And less Natalie Portman. Uh, that's better. Say goodbye, Eric.
ERIC: Goodbye, Eric.
[theme]
Transcriptionist: DH
Editor: KM